Thursday, February 25, 2016

Kevin's 32 week update (Kevin's story, part 10)

Yesterday I had my 32 week appointment with the doctor.  First we did an ultrasound and, while I did have a moderate amount of extra amniotic fluid, the doctor didn't seem to think it was worrisome.

My next appointment is on March 21.   On that day we will be scheduling my induction for one day that week.  I will be between 36 and 37 weeks along.  Much farther than I ever expected to make it.  As long as Kevin holds off until then it looks like my parents should be able to be here.  It means the world to me to have someone else here to witness his birth and to get to meet him.

In spite of my two prior c-sections my doctor is allowing me the opportunity to try for a vaginal delivery this time around.  I get extremely ill after c-sections and am barely able to hold or even see my babies afterward.  If we are given even mere moments with Kevin I want to be alert to enjoy them.  I am hoping and praying that my body with cooperate and all me to give birth to him naturally. While I would prefer to let Kevin arrive in his own time we know that babies with Pallister Killian Syndrome tend to be larger than average babies.  Kevin is already estimated to be at 5 lbs 7 oz.  We don't want to wait too long and run the risk of me not being able to deliver him naturally due to his size.  The longer we wait the chance of stillbirth also increases.  I can barely let my mind go there.  The one thing that has got me through all of this is the possibility of a live birth and getting to meet Kevin even briefly.  It is the one tiny thread that has kept me hanging on.

The week before Easter....that is how much longer I have with my baby boy.  I know it makes it difficult for my parents to plan their trip but I am beyond grateful that I wasn't given a date.  I am not sure I could handle knowing the exact date that my son will be born and the date that my son will die. Knowing the week is bad enough.  

I haven't discussed it with Scott yet but I don't think I want to tell the kids when Kevin will be arriving.  At least not until closer to the day my parents get here.  There is really no need for them to have it constantly on their minds too.

I had such a hard time going to sleep last night.  My mind kept going back and forth from the joy of meeting Kevin to the heartache of having to leave him behind.  My mind can't grasp how it will ever be able to handle something like that.  I know it will.  Unfortunately many have come before me and many will come after.

For the most part I have reached a point of being able to look at the positives of this pregnancy.  I enjoy every movement, every hiccup, every ultrasound photo, much more than I am sure I did in any of my other pregnancies.  I am super attuned to every move this time around.  I am excited to finally get to meet this beautiful baby boy but also incredibly sad that I don't get to keep him.

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