Kevin's 32 Week Ultrasound

Yesterday we took our two oldest boys, Anton and Xander to see Kevin on 3d ultrasound. Scott and I have both been very careful not to push anything on the boys but we want them to have as much involvement in Kevin's brief life as they are comfortable with.  I want them to know they had a little brother and to have as many memories of him as possible.  I think one of my biggest fears throughout this whole thing is that, because Kevin's life will be so brief, he won't seem real to anyone.  We are a military family who live miles from home and that means most of our friends and family, if any, will never see Kevin in person.  I understand that the topics of miscarriage and infant death make people uncomfortable but I refuse to act as if Kevin didn't exist.  I want everyone to know that he is as real and as loved as any of our other children.

                                Anton and Xander on the way to see their baby brother on ultrasound.

Overall I think they both had a good experience.  They seemed to like that fact that they could watch what he was doing in 4d.  I know the reality of it was lingering in the back of all our minds but seeing Kevin in action put a smile on all of our faces.  

We have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with our kids regarding Kevin's life and death.  In the end all we can do is be honest with them.  Obviously our 2 year old twins aren't able to grasp much at this point but we have tried to be as honest and open with our older children as possible.  We answer any questions they have as best we can and let them know that they can talk to us about him at any time.   


We have given both of our older boys the option of meeting and holding Kevin after his birth. That conversation will forever go down as one of the most difficult ones I have ever had with my kids.  Xander, our 11 year old, told us that he wants to be there to meet and hold Kevin no matter what happens.  Anton, who is nearly 16, is a little less comfortable with the situation. He doesn't think he wants to be there if Kevin is stillborn.  And honestly that's okay.   Everyone handles and processes these situations differently.  I can't begin to imagine what I would have done at the age of 16 and I thank God it's not something I ever had to think about.